


Ghost Trains

by SoulNarrative



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 08:26:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3127802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulNarrative/pseuds/SoulNarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is floundering as the band faces an uncertain future. Feeling he has nothing left to lose, he decides to risk it all to get what he really wants - Davey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 7569 R  
> Published: 06/25/2011 Updated: 10/22/2011

_ I might seem a bit peculiar, a bit not right, _

_For though I try, I remain a stranger - not of this time._

_I know I’m with strangers I recognize_   
_And I realize my own disowned me._   
_They were never mine._

_I swear I’m almost there, almost._   
_This is right where we used to play._

_I will never let it go until I find that place I called mine._   
_I never was truly meant for this time._

_I swear I’m almost there though I’ve been wandering for days._   
_I may be chasing ghost trains, hoping they’ll arrive where we used to play._   
_I may be hopping ghost trains, before they terminate where we used to play, in those days._

_Where We Used To Play -_

_AFI_

*********************************************************

 

He could always recognize him from behind, no matter how much he’d changed since he’d last seen him. There was something in the way he held his shoulders, tilted his head or absently ran a hand over his hair that was unmistakably Dave.

As he approached he thought of how similar he looked now to when they’d first started the band (sans the light beard.) But now the band had ended. Adam frowned.

No. He refused to believe it and he could because no one came right out and said it. Fuck the label. They’d figure it out all by themselves - they’d done it before. So how had it slipped away?

The fact was everything had changed: the music business, the market, the fans, the technology. Even the guys themselves itself, especially Jade. He was the one who forced Joe out. Jade wanted his own name as co-producer on Crash Love so he convinced the label to hire someone more amenable to his vision.

The fact was Adam was totally lost now and seeing Davey was the only thing that made him feel real. He grinned as he slid into the booth across from him. “Hmmm,” Davey observed him with a critical eye. “I know that grin.”

“What grin?” Adam said defensively.

“The fake one. The one you don’t have to use on me,” Davey’s eyes were kind.

“Sorry,” Adam answered as he signaled for a beer. “I just don’t wanna be a downer when I see you.” He changed the subject to Davey’s favorite topic: himself. “So how goes things for the conquering hero back from NYC?”

Davey drew a circle on the tabletop with a fingertip. “It seems like a dream already. I guess it’s natural to feel deflated after getting something you’ve wanted all your life.”

They fell silent and then at the same instant said, “So what now?” They burst out laughing. They laughed long after it had ceased to be funny because they knew they couldn’t answer the question when they stopped.

Fortunately, a distraction slammed three beers down on the table. Nils. He sat down as he elbowed Davey over.

Davey grimaced in disgust. “Get those away from me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would one be for you?” Sliding one across the table to Adam, Nils kept the other two for himself. Then he lifted one to his mouth and guzzled. He belched loudly and smiled charmingly. “Pardon me.”

Davey had anticipated something like this and refused to grant him the satisfaction of a reaction but Adam couldn’t help indulging the guy. “So good-looking…and such a jerk,” he snickered.

“Thanks for the compliment.” Nils winked at Adam and tossed his hair over his shoulder coquettishly. Then he jumped up, waving at someone over their heads. “Oh, Joanie!” He grabbed his beers and ran off. Davey exhaled loudly and drummed his fingers on the table in exasperation.

“Still gets to you, does he?” Adam wished he didn’t have to ask the question.

Davey snorted. “Are you kidding? I don’t even know who that was – certainly not the one I…I…”

“Yeaahh?” Adam’s eyes drilled into him.

“He’s crude and crazy.” Davey said with finality.

‘But you couldn’t take your eyes off his ass when he scampered away,’ Adam inwardly observed.

As if reading his mind, Davey countered, “And a whore.”

“You’ve had your share of lovers,” Adam observed, not unkindly.

“Perhaps my judgment was poor at times but I always really did care. And I was never the one to end it. It always comes down to the same thing – I’m supposedly too high-maintenance."

The corners of Adam’s mouth turned up at the corners as he teased, “Nah. You're like a Maserati: Italian and a little temperamental. They just don't have the driving skills."

He became serious and said, "David. Someday soon you’re gonna find the one who appreciates you.”

With those words something broke in Adam. A loose brick fell out of the wall that had hidden all the feelings he had for Davey. What was there to lose anymore? Now was the time.

At he same instant Davey felt a jolt of recognition. ‘Mygod, I’m looking at him.’

Adam abruptly stood. “Hey, I remembered I’ve gotta take care of something. Come over around 10 tonight, okay?”

Davey was taken aback by the suddenness of Adam’s departure. He stammered a reply. “Uh, okay, sure, 10, your place,” he repeated to Adam’s retreating back.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=8709>


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains pejorative slang for Italians.

Davey turned off his car and sat listening to the night sounds of the quiet San Francisco neighborhood where Adam lived. It had occurred to him as he drove over the bridge that Adam was truly depressed and he had failed to notice it. Now the thoughts and feelings he’d been avoiding began to surface.

Crash Love. It had wrapped up so fast, despite the chaos created by the switch in producers and the backdoor politics happening at the label. There was no sense of sacrifice, of years of blood, sweat and tears that had gone into their previous albums. Yes, it was technically perfect (thank you, Jade,) but perhaps too much so.

Jade spent more time fiddling with the control panels than he actually played his instrument. Davey couldn’t help making a snide remark about just cutting the guitar entirely and having it dubbed in. It didn’t matter how carelessly Jade played because he could “fix” anything to sound as he wanted.

Davey had poured out his heart and soul while singing the CL tracks more than he ever had before. He was sure his voice was at its’ best but something seething and sneering had come through, too and it had frightened him.

On tour, Jade's technical proficiency was delivered with a detachment that bordered on disinterest, a coldness that made Davey angry. He couldn’t help the bitterness that seeped into his voice and the vengefulness that flashed in his eyes on stage.

He had tried his best to accept Jade dropping in and out of the tour, spending as much time plane-hopping and sight-seeing with his girlfriend as he did with the band. He understood that nothing lasts forever but he wished Jade hadn’t rubbed his face in it.

Sadly, so many of the songs he'd written with Jade now were directed at Jade. That love had crashed.

Davey was startled into the present when a rap on the car window jarred him from his reverie. It was Adam, looking concerned. He lowered the glass.

“How long were you planning to sit out here?”

“I just got here…”

“No, you didn’t. You’re never late and when it hit ten minutes I looked out here to check before I texted you. And there you were, parked and staring into space.”

“I don’t think so, Adam. I couldn’t have been out here that long.”

Adam ignored Davey’s protest. “I was curious so I came out and sat on the porch and sipped my ice tea for another ten minutes, just watching you. Then I decided it was time to wake you up from your nap.”

Adam turned back towards his house. “So are you coming in or leaving?,” he threw over his shoulder. Chagrined, Davey leaped from his car and quickly followed.

As had been their habit since they were kids and visiting each other houses, Adam kicked off his shoes once over the threshold and Davey neatly set his aside.

Adam glanced down. “I miss your painted toenails.”

“I’ll be sure to have them done before I come over next time,” Davey replied with a smile.

“Come in here. I got us some special eats.” Adam led the way into his kitchen where the table was laden with irresistible desserts and drinks. The lights were low and the room was inviting.

“Oh my god, I’m glad I had something substantial earlier.”

“You’re welcome,” Adam said with a good-natured laugh. He had expected that response.

“Sorry. I mean if I were starving I’d absolutely pig-out. This is carb heaven.”

“That’s why you wouldn’t. And why you should. You’re not leaving the table until you’ve tried everything. Live a little, Dave - like you used to.”

And that’s what Davey did. Afterward, they settled on the sofa with their lattes and Adam slid in a dvd.

“Shutter Island, again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You DiCaprio again or you want to switch?” The second time they’d watched the film, they’d each chosen which of the two main characters to identify with.

“Oh no, I’m good.”

“I don’t know. It’s been awhile and you look more like Ruffalo than pretty Leonardo now. But they‘re both Italian so I guess it‘s your choice.”

“Leonardo’s only a bit Italian on his father’s side. The blonde hair and blue eyes are from his much stronger German and Russian heritage. His first name is from his mother looking at a DaVinci painting when she felt him kick for the first time.”

“Jeez, what an expert! Did you have a thing with him I don’t know about? I know you met him at least once in New York years ago.”

“I had a thing for him after that, you could say. Must be the blue eyes - a weakness, you know.” He avoided looking into Adam’s. “Otherwise not my type.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. As was his habit, Davey filled it with words. “Now, Ruffalo is solid Wop, a real paesano. But they both did go to Catholic school.”

“So ‘Wop’ and Catholic?” Adam had put air quotation marks around the pejorative slang. “You have a lot in common. Sure you don’t want to switch? I think Chuck has a thing for Eddy, too.”

“Naa, Eddy’s prettier.” Davey ended the discussion by pushing the “Play” button.

As was his habit, Davey moved in closer to Adam so their shoulders pressed together. By the middle of the film, Davey had placed a small pillow on Adam’s lap and laid his head on it. His hands were folded under his cheek and his knees were drawn up like a child’s in sleep.

In fact, he was plummeting from all the sweets and dozing off. When he began to snore lightly, Adam dared to run a trembling finger along his jaw line and then he brought his fingertip to Davey’s mouth and traced the curve and dip of his upper lip. He was grateful for the pillow that separated them.

Thinking he was dreaming, Davey shifted and turned on his back. The pillow was dislodged and fell to the floor. Adam held his breath but his parted thighs cradled Davey’s head and he didn’t wake.

Adam was struck by his still beauty. Even as masculine as Davey's appearance had become, he could think of no other word. As if in a dream himself, he opened Davey’s shirt, the buttons slipping through their finely tailored holes.

He told himself he just wanted to see that flaming heart tattoo that Davey now hid but his own heart began to pound when he spread his hand over it and splayed his fingers across Davey's chest.

Like hovering over an Ouija board, Adam’s fingers moved with a will of their own and grazed Davey’s nipples. They hardened under Adam’s touch and the corners of Davey’s mouth curved up slightly. He sighed and without warning, his eyes fluttered open.

They widened in surprise when they locked with Adam’s. Davey rose up but Adam stopped him with a kiss. Davey felt his resistance falter as Adam’s arms went around him and held him tight. For a moment that felt like eternity, he returned the kiss with abandon.

He came to his senses and pushed Adam away. He sat up and quickly buttoned his shirt. Adam continued to sit quietly while he waited for what would happen next. Davey cleared his throat but his voice was shaking as he began.

“Adam. I know all these changes have been hard for you. They’ve been hard for all of us. I realize you must’ve been far more depressed than anyone knew. I - more than anyone - should’ve noticed but as usual I was too self-involved and I’m so sorry.”

He continued, “But this isn’t the way to hold on to what we had. You don’t need to do this to keep me. In fact, if we go down this road it will tear us apart.”

Adam leaned forward and looked at the floor as Davey talked, stiff with tension. Then he stood and turned his back to Davey, jamming his hands in his back pockets. In a voice so low Davey had to strain to hear, he answered.

“You don’t know anything. Contrary to what you say, I’m not trying to hold on to the past. I have interests and plans you don’t even know about. That’s not your fault. I haven’t told you much about them. I’d just rather hear about you - I always have.”

Adam turned to face him and crossed his arms. “Dave, you can analyze and justify all you want but that doesn’t make what you say true. You can’t assume you know better than I do what I want. You may be more intelligent but frankly, it doesn’t necessarily follow that you’re smarter.”

Davey sat in chastened silence. Of course, he sounded like a pompous ass. Now he was just confused.

“So what is it you want? I mean… for us.”

Adam dropped his arms and stepped closer. “You want the truth? As much as you’ll let me have.”

Davey stood and moved towards Adam, watching his face. Then he abruptly passed him and went to the door. As he bent over to slip on his shoes, he said, “I have to go. I have to think, Ad.”

Before he could answer, Davey had gone and closed the door behind him. Adam couldn’t move as he stood with clenched fists and listened to him drive away.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=8709>


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a major re-write of this chapter. A dear reader observed that there was no explanation of how Davey transitioned from pushing Adam away to being his lover. Here it is. Thank you, Vibrant Heart.

It was still there. The clandestine club was hidden in the shadows but vibrant inside once you found your way down to the subterranean entrance. It had inspired his Blaqk Audio song, “Black Electric.” It was a place Adam would never go. Davey left his cell in the car so he wouldn’t be tempted to check for his texts.

He hadn’t been in there for at least four years and it had hardly changed – unlike him. He was sure he was unrecognizable. He’d finally had to admit that he was not immune to the passage of time and there’s nothing more unattractive than an aging drag queen. Still, the au naturel look didn’t disguise the fact that he was well over thirty.

Another distinguishing factor of this scene was that the men were closer to his age. They must have kept the place a secret refuge where they could escape the pressure of competing with 22-year-old “I’m not gay, I just fuck whoever I want,” scene boys.

That had been Nils’ age the one time Davey brought him there. Davey was relieved Nils wouldn’t appear in this place – it just wasn’t his scene. The guy was turning up everywhere like a bad penny. It felt as if Nils was stalking him for the sole purpose of annoying him. Davey couldn’t wait for him to go back to L.A. where he belonged.

It was surprisingly easy to get caught up again in the beat of thrumming music. The damp heat from a crowd of men dancing close in a small space brought beads of sweat to his forehead. He’d forgotten how good it felt not to care how he looked in the darkness that granted anonymity.

He unbuttoned his shirt for relief from the heat and the need for more freedom of movement. Many of the men had removed their shirts and he appreciated the diversity of their bodies, some past their prime. Not that they were unattractive – just that their good looks came from the will and the work to make them so. This, too, he could relate to.

The crowd tightened around him and he relaxed into the ebb and flow. He had almost gone limp, yet was held upright by the undulating press of bodies. His mind shut down and he was nothing but the music and the dance and the sensuality around him.

Slowly, he realized he was being singled out for particular attention. Someone was deliberately matching his movements from behind. The hands on his hips weren’t there casually – they had intent. The breath against his ear seemed to whisper but he couldn’t make out what. He didn’t detect any threat so he made no effort to stop it. In fact, he surrendered to the moment and let his head fall back onto the shoulder behind it.

He was mesmerized by the hands that drifted over his bare abdomen and chest and lightly caressed his thighs. His eyes were closed but he sensed this wasn’t an aimless dance. He was being steered towards a destination.

Space opened around him and he was spun as if weightless until he stopped with his back against a wall. He opened his eyes and expected to meet the gaze of his mysterious dance partner but no one was there. He felt his pants being swiftly undone and realized he didn’t see the stranger because he had dropped to his knees and was preparing him for a blowjob.

For whatever reason, Davey wasn’t alarmed - maybe just because he needed this so badly. And maybe because Adam would be far from his mind. He considered resisting but surrendered instead. It was difficult to regret it when this guy was as skilled as he was. He seemed to know Davey’s every weakness and exploited them all. Only one boy could do it like that because Davey had taught him. It seemed a lifetime ago when Nils had so eagerly offered his virginity and become his pupil in all things erotic.

In no time at all, Davey was staving off his orgasm. He didn’t want to come in his partner’s mouth – it was an intimacy he didn’t easily share. His hands were sunk into the dark hair and he tried to push him away but it was no use. This guy was determined to swallow and Davey was too far gone to stop him.

Then it was over and Davey leaned back to catch his breath. His partner tucked him in, zipped him up and stood. When they were finally eye-to-eye, Davey’s hands flew to his face and he muttered, “Oh, fuck!”

Nils sneered, “Maybe later. Right now I need a shot of whiskey to chase down your load.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and turned to go.

Davey’s hand flew out and he gripped Nils’s arm. “Wait, please wait.” He wanted a kiss, a kiss to purify the act he’d permitted. Nils hesitated but still faced away and Davey realized the futility of his intent. He knew Nils would turn it into something lewd, force his tongue into his mouth, make him taste himself. So he dropped his hand as Nils pulled away.

Davey made his way to the men’s room and proceeded to splash his face with cold water until he realized his cuffs were drenched. He stared at himself in the cracked mirror where his reflection was cut in half and acknowledged how fitting it was to his present state of mind. He rolled up his wet shirt-sleeves as far as possible, exposing his tattooed arms, reminding himself again of the split in his identity he thought he’d resolved.

Confused and defeated, he maneuvered his way back through the crowd to the entrance. On his way out, he glimpsed Nils sandwiched tight between two bare-chested, muscular men, their hands fondling him everywhere. He was wet with their sweat and his long hair clung to his face. His skin-tight pants were so low on his narrow hips they would’ve fallen down to his feet if they weren’t primarily spandex. He writhed and laughed with pleasure and delight. Davey turned away in disgust and exited into the damp chill of the night.

Once outside, something inside him stopped him from fleeing to his car. This had to end. Right here, right now. He stepped into the shadows to collect himself, near enough to the door that men passing by were drawn to his intriguing silhouette but the look in his eyes made them turn away.

He’d told Adam he was leaving because he needed time to think but instead he’d come here and lost himself in music and sex. Music had always been his therapy, not a drug. And “stranger” sex in the corner of a club was about as low as he could go. In retrospect, he’d been lucky it had been Nils. What he had just allowed to happen deeply alarmed him.

Was he that afraid of what Adam offered? Why was he so sure love destroyed friendship? Did he think the two were mutually exclusive just because Jade had played him like a puppet on a string for twenty years? Why were all of his affairs chaotic and tragic? He had willingly entered them even if he wasn’t the one who willingly left them. He was choosing all this, whether he liked to admit it or not.

He realized he’d been mistaking attraction for compatibility, intensity for commitment, and adoration for respect. It had been stimulating and even satisfying for a long time, despite the drama and momentary heartbreak. But now everything had changed and he had no taste for the superficial anymore. He wanted no more lies, no matter how beautiful.

That’s what Crash Love had been about. For once, he didn’t have his answers rehearsed when asked in interviews about the meaning of their latest work. By that point, he didn’t care much anymore. He’d said something about celebrity and society’s destructive obsession with it. He didn’t bother to elaborate. The answer had stuck and became the standard response.

Fame, even notoriety. Crash Love was a visceral examination of it from every conceivable perspective. Personally, he had possessed it, idolized it, coveted it, resented it, been betrayed by it, used it to betray others and on and on.

The deeper truth was that Crash Love was about The Illusion that made celebrity possible. He was only a man like any other, not some demi-god, yet people had his face and name tattooed on their bodies where he’d be frozen in time, all because of the Illusion. He hated it.

Four more years and he’d be forty. He’d accepted the fact that all he’d known was passing away. Now he wanted what was real, he wanted to stand on solid ground. He was excited by the new life opening before him but it seemed empty without someone to share it with.

It couldn’t be just anyone anymore. It had to be someone real. Adam had always been the realest thing in his life – he just hadn’t particularly cared. He hadn’t seen him because he was as close as his own heartbeat. Now he wanted nothing more than to see him, know him and learn from him what love truly meant.

He was suddenly aware of his surroundings again when someone rushing drunkenly out the door nearly knocked him over. He shivered from head to toe in his wet, open shirt but he knew exactly where to go to find the warmth he needed.

*****************************************************************************

After Davey left, things began to spin out of control for Nils. Thinking he was asking for it just by being there, the man pressed to his back unzipped and freed his erection as he slid down Nils’ pants and exposed his small ass. Large hands pulled him open and stuck a finger in. A ragged fingernail cut into tender flesh.

His partner trapping Nils from the front clamped his bird-bone wrists in the air above him like handcuffs. Nils cried out when he was roughly entered from behind but was unheard above the music. The man in the front ground his own naked hard-on into Nils’ genitals although he remained soft. By the time they traded positions, Nils’ mind was far away, back in bed with Davey who was tenderly making love to him, murmuring his name like a prayer.

Then it was over and he was fighting his way out like an animal cornered by predators. He lunged against the exit door and ran into someone standing outside. Panicked, he searched for his car and nearly cried with relief when he found it and jerked on the door handle.

When it didn’t open he was seized by terror but then broke into a demented laugh when he realized his folly. By some miracle his car-keys and remote still dangled from the thin chain around his neck. His shaking fingers fumbled and unlocked the door with a click of the remote. Still caught between hilarity and hysteria, he crawled into the back seat and curled up tight. Mercifully, he fell into a drunken sleep.

When he awoke it wouldn’t be the first time he’d found himself in the back seat of some car with a head-splitting hangover, wondering if the night before had been a bad dream. The stench of sweat, his bruised wrists and the pain and urgency in his bowels would convince him otherwise.

The memories would return crystal-clear and he’d wonder if that night would eventually cost him his life. For a fleeting moment, he saw himself terribly emaciated, his hair shorn. Davey cradled him in his arms as he drew his final breath. He'd be granted that last comfort but it was a high price to pay just to see Davey again.

******************************************************************************

Adam woke with a start and sat upright in bed. The shower was running. At 3:00 in the morning, he either had a dirty burglar or a plumbing problem. He threw off the blanket and walked slowly in the dark towards the guest bathroom. The drumstick in his hand could improvise as a weapon.

Just as he reached for the doorknob, he stumbled over something. He peered down and immediately recognized Davey’s shoes, uncharacteristically left haphazardly in the middle of the hall. He exhaled and smiled to himself. He was sure if he looked he’d find Davey’s key-ring tossed on the coffee table, as well. Adam had proudly presented the copy of his house-key to Davey at the closing of his first home and declared, “Mi casa, su casa.”

Adam listened at the door but heard nothing but the rain-shower sound of water. He entered the room and saw Davey slumped against the wall of the enclosure, eyes closed. Adam dropped his boxers and stepped inside. The water had turned lukewarm so he adjusted it to a comfortable temperature.

Placing his hand on the side of Davey’s face, he quietly spoke his name. Davey opened his eyes and stared, disoriented. Adam gathered him into his arms and held him close. He felt so small and fragile. He didn’t know where Davey had gone after they had talked or what had happened but he knew this was what he needed. Davey wrapped his arms around Adam, too and rested his head against his shoulder.

They held each other under the water in silence for a long time and Adam began to lightly kiss him – pressing his lips against his forehead, temple, near his ear. Davey lifted his chin and offered his slightly parted lips. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to Adam to part his too and press them against Davey’s. They relaxed into the kiss and tenderly explored with their tongues.

The heat began to build when Adam’s large hand cupped the nape of Davey’s neck and he kissed him harder and his tongue became demanding. He wanted him though he wasn’t sure what that meant under the circumstances. He wasn’t surprised when his cock began to harden and push against Davey who was obviously already aroused.

They moved against each other, the water falling like a sheet of silk between them. They turned their heads this way and that, enjoying each other’s mouths from every angle. Adam’s hands slid down Davey’s back and over the rise of his buttocks where they stopped and pushed him against him. Davey gave a soft moan.

Davey wedged his hand between them and grasped Adam’s erection. Adam gasped at the sensation and Davey began to move up and down with his fist. After Davey rubbed his thumb over the sensitive head several times, Adam broke away from him and wrenched off the water. Then he turned back to him and swept him up in his arms. Adam thought he was light as a feather as he carried him across the bathroom. Davey gave a laugh and grabbed a towel hanging on the door as they passed.

Once in his bedroom, towel tossed on the bed, Adam laid him down none too gently and spread out on top of him. He kissed him hard and long and couldn’t believe he was this turned on. He didn’t want to wait – but for what? “Want you, want you,” he muttered and Davey sensed his confusion.

“I want you, too. You said you’d take all I was willing to give – I’m going to give you everything.”

He put his hands on Adam’s hips and told him to lift up. He coaxed Adam’s cock from between them so it was between Davey’s parted legs and nestled against his asshole.  
“I want to feel you inside me.” Davey whispered and then chuckled.

“But got any lube? It’s been awhile.” Adam exhaled in relief and reached over to rummage through the bedside table. When he found it, he held it up and grinned triumphantly. “The good stuff.” Then he became uncertain and his look said, “What now?”

“Grease yourself up generously – and I want to watch you.” Adam did as he was told and Davey gave a low whistle. “Damn. I’ve seen you a thousand times but not in all your hard, horny glory. I can’t wait for you to fuck my ass with that ‘best in show’ cock of yours.”

Davey’s praise and dirty talk wiped away any inhibition Adam had left. He lowered himself down on Davey and positioned his cock where he thought Davey wanted it. When he felt the tip of it pressed against the hot pucker under Davey’s balls, he could barely control himself. Davey immediately wrapped his legs around his waist and drew him in. Adam held himself up on his elbows and carefully watched Davey’s face as he entered him.

Davey encouraged him to go on, that what Adam felt as Davey’s body resisting would bring pleasure to them both if he didn’t hesitate. Adam broke into a sweat just being fully inside such tight heat. He held still just to enjoy it and because he knew once he began to pull in and out of it there’d be no stopping.

Davey was impatient and couldn’t care less about any momentary discomfort. He planted his heels in the hard muscles of Adam’s buttocks and whispered, “Just fuck me.”

Adam didn’t need the encouragement. He couldn’t slow down if he wanted to. A bead of sweat ran down his face from his temple and Davey tried to keep a hold on his shoulders, slippery with perspiration. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer and he dove down to Davey’s panting mouth for one more long, deep kiss.

After moments of delaying the inevitable, Davey broke the kiss. “Wanna come with you. Angle up and try to hit that spot that’s at the base of my dick, but on the inside. You’ll know – you can feel it.”

Adam shifted and Davey locked his legs around his waist. Adam felt the difference immediately and Davey responded with a prolonged moan followed by, “That’s it. Don’t stop.”

Adam didn’t and he felt like he was on a train traveling at the speed of light, rushing to a destination that promised pleasure like he’d never known. It was all because of this beautiful man beneath him who would be there to meet him.

When Davey’s legs tightened around him in a vise-grip, he was trapped inside and out as Davey’s body went still with a climax so strong it made him grit his teeth. Adam was up on his hands and his arms quivered with the intensity of their mutual orgasm as he called out Davey’s name in a voice choked with emotion. Davey thought it was the most glorious sound he’d ever heard.

******************************************************************************

Adam set the coffee down in front of Davey. He accepted his compliments with the observation, “They say once you learn to ride a bike, you never forget. Same with espresso machines, I guess,” referring to his brief stint as a barista at Peet’s. He went behind Davey’s chair and placed his large hands on the delicate shoulders, too thin for his liking.

Giving them a gentle squeeze he asked, “Are you alright? No offense to the girls I’ve been with but I’ve never lost control like that. I hope I wasn’t too rough.” Adam knew Davey had come although he hadn’t even touched him. He’d been amazed when hot fluid shot up and coated his abdomen as Davey laid shaking and groaning under him. Still he worried.

Davey reached up and placed his hand – so feminine in comparison - on Adam’s and held it in reassurance. “It was wonderful, Adam. I’ve never felt that connected to anyone.”

He couldn’t tell him he’d assumed he couldn’t come twice in a night anymore and that Adam had proved him very wrong. He knew it wasn’t just the sexual passion that had aroused him so – it was the way Adam had given him everything, held nothing back, couldn’t have even if he wanted to.

It had been a big risk to take. Davey knew sex could make or break a relationship and he had risked it all to discover if the chemistry was there with Adam, to say nothing of introducing him to gay sex. It had been a tremendous leap of faith and he wouldn’t have survived losing Adam if it had failed.

Adam exhaled with relief at his answer. His thumb stroked the broken heart behind Davey's ear, inwardly vowing there’d be no more heartbreak for him if he could help it. Then he took the chair across from Davey and looked at him with a mischievous smile.

“You know, I was ready to knock you out with that stick. You shouldn’t be breaking into people’s houses and showering in the middle of the night.”

“I did not ‘break’ into your house, as you very well know.” Then he pointed to the rough-hewn mallet on the floor. “What the hell is that thing anyway? One of those gnaw-bone toys for Ginger?” He cringed at the idea of a canine slobbering and chomping on something for fun. So unlike a cat.

At the sound of her name, the retriever-mix (named both for the color of her coat and one of the greatest drummers in rock music) trotted over and licked Davey’s bare knee. “Ewww. I mean, good girl.” Adam loved that dog like his child but Davey drew the line at tossing Frisbees in Golden Gate Park.

“So? What is it?”

Adam hesitated. “Well, it’s a stick I’m experimenting with. I’ve started a drum circle. Some guys and I meet up in the hills and try out different ethnic percussion instruments. Some have no experience at all and some – like the latin and black guys - have been playing them all their lives. But they have to switch up and learn new ones, too.”

Davey gaped in disbelief.

“See? This is why I didn’t tell you. You’d think I’d gone all hippie or something. But I have to have something to replace what I had in AFI, Dave. All that’s missing is your voice. Still, you’d be surprised by the emotions that come out in that circle for all of us.”

Davey’s disbelief had slowly turned to envy as he listened to Adam. A thought occurred to him but Adam squelched it right away.

“I know what you’re thinking. No, we do not need a vocalist. Maybe if we want some feminine input or someone to howl at the moon, you’ll get an invite,” he laughed.

Davey recovered quickly and was comforted by the thought that Adam really was his own man and not floundering as Davey had at first assumed. After all, Adam had always been the centered one, the one comfortable in his own skin. The guy had “flow.”

It dawned on Davey that becoming lovers wasn’t a pivotal decision on Adam’s part – in his eyes, it was the natural progression of their relationship now that all the things that had impeded it all those years were gone.

He laid his hand on Adam’s arm and smiled. “I support you all the way. Always.”

“Thanks,” Adam glanced away, unused to being the center of attention. When he looked at Davey again, he blurted, “God, I love the way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smile like that. You don’t do it enough.”

“Just makes my wrinkles worse,” Davey sniffed but was inwardly touched by the spontaneous compliment.

“Well, you shouldn’t hide those perfect teeth of yours. Unlike a certain friend of ours. The dude’s got the money for orthodontics. Especially now that he’s getting… I guess you were the first to know…”

Davey cut him off. “Please. Let’s not discuss that.”

“You know he’s going to ask you to be his best man, Dave.”

“He wouldn’t dare.” Adam felt the temperature in the room drop ten degrees.

He shook his head but said nothing. Ugly memories arose of the argument Jade and Davey had in Scranton that became so loud everyone on the crew heard it. By the next day Davey was so sick they took him to the local E.R. for rehydration.

Jade said Davey just had a touch of the flu so he left to jump another plane to meet her for another night at some five-star hotel in NYC., leaving Adam and Hunter to nurse Davey back to health in the confines of the bus. Adam knew it was more. With his fanatically disciplined lifestyle, Davey never got sick. The argument had literally made him ill.

After the incident, Hunter, who had always been a bit of the odd man out in the foursome (including Smith) of childhood friends, lost his wacky sense of humor and became increasingly quiet and withdrawn when they were all together.

Jade had re-joined the tour at the next stop and you could’ve cut the tension with a knife for the remainder of it. It pained Adam to see the indivisible love of twenty years between those two men turn into an animosity so deep that it became nothing to one and everything to the other. The tattoo they’d gotten together all those years ago had proved too true. Love had torn them apart.

"What about Blaqk Audio?" Adam asked with apprehension.

"We have enough material for several records. I can track vocals and send them to him...you know we don't work face to face anymore anyway. And he doesn't need me to mix them."

"As for touring, we'll do a few local shows where we can meet at the venue - I'll give him that. Without a label this has all been out of our own pockets. Now he'll have Malibu Barbie's money to play with. I can't afford it," Davey finished flatly.

Adam knew Davey said things he didn't mean when he was hurt and angry but he winced at the insult. Over the years, he had become very fond of Jade's girlfriend - now fiancee - even seeing her as a younger sister.

Adam was jolted from his thoughts when Davey’s cell rang. He glanced at it and jumped up. Turning away from Adam, he talked in a quiet voice that quickly rose in excitement. After a few brief questions he clicked off and turned back to face him. He was glowing.

“You won’t believe this. I got the part! Adam, I got the part!” Seeing Adam’s bewilderment, he said, “I wanted to tell you but I was afraid I’d jinx it.”

“What part? I didn’t know you were auditioning for anything.” Actually, he hadn’t auditioned at all as far as Adam knew. Billie Joe had handed him the St. Jimmy role and Tim had done the same for Rock n Roll Theatre. He had to ask, “Are you going to play Satan again?”

Davey threw his head back and laughed. “Good one, Adam. But, no.” He twirled once on his toes and exclaimed, “Hot damn! Rob Lowe!”

Adam thought, ‘Haven’t seen the twinkle-toes routine in awhile’ but asked, “The film actor? I know you and Jade have been working his Hollywood connections and getting Blaqk Audio tracks in a couple of new films but I still don’t get it.”

“No. Get this - it’s an independent film by Bill Guttentag. The Bill Guttentag. He’s won Academy Awards for his films! You won’t believe the cast I’ll be working with.”

Adam was stunned. It wasn’t the post-AFI life together Adam had envisioned – relaxing around the Bay, dropping in on local gigs, taking Hwy 1 south towards Encinitas with its warm, isolated beaches sheltered by the sheer cliffs that had lured so many windsurfers to their happy deaths. Or they’d head north into the cool, silent shade of the giant redwoods, visit their folks in Ukiah…

Apparently, that was not to be. Now here he was watching Davey hop on the express as he always did, leaving Adam to find a way to catch up with him or else say goodbye. He put on his bravest face.

“That’s fantastic, Dave. I want to hear all the details. Like…will you be shooting in L.A.?” His stomach tightened as he prepared for the dreaded affirmative. Nils. Davey might say he was over him but he had his doubts. Adam would never understand how Nils could’ve cheated on him. He knew Davey did not forgive those who betrayed him. Still, there seemed to be unfinished business between the two.

Davey ran around the table and threw his arms around Adam from behind and hugged him. He was nearly vibrating with joy and Adam was happy for him despite his own fear and sadness.

“That’s another thing. We’re filming right here in San Francisco.”

Adam stood and took Davey in his arms, holding him so tight it hurt. He crushed Davey’s mouth with his own, feeling like he had sealed the best deal of his life. Then he stepped back and tugged Davey into the bedroom.

He said, “Show me more about this new way of fucking. Just to be sure I like it.”

When they bumped into the rumpled bed, Davey shoved him down onto his back and kicked the door shut behind them. In a deep voice Adam rarely heard, he responded, “It will be my pleasure.”

 

THE END

 

  
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